You heard it here first, patriots. Quaker Oats, the parent company of the Pearl Milling Company, the former owner of the Aunt Jemima Brand, will revive the iconic cook on its boxe4s and syrup bottles starting next year sometime.
According to our source, a guy named Derek who used to work for a company that delivered Quaker Oats to local convenience stores for resale at a 500% markup, told us he heard it from his friend Dale in distribution who used to date Rachel in Human Resources. Rachel’s mom worked for Quaker from 1982 to 1991 and swears that she heard voices in her head tell her all about the transition.
“The voices have never been wrong,” said Rachel’s psychiatrist who also happens to be the Director of Syrup Relations at Quaker, Joe Barron, “I see no reason why we shouldn’t believe her.
Rachel’s voices say that despite the company making the decision to remove Aunty J from the product without any prompting from anyone, that the liberals made it happen, which caused the conservative boycott that led the company to restoring the brand without incident.
A spokesperson for the actual Quaker Oats company and not the one in Rachel’s head says the whole thing is a crock of doody and that you shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet.
Since it’s our meme that started the whole thing, this reporter believes it’s our duty to stand by the story we presented and protect our source’s reputation. God Bless America.
