Pope Francis : ‘America – Open Your Borders!’


His holiness Pope Francis headed into the limelight again, making the news cycle this week after giving a fiery sermon on the veranda of the Fortress of God building of the Vatican’s West side.  The Roman streets filled with cheering fans and became a mass of chants and song when the pontiff’s speech slanted as it often does, into world politics, specifically touching on American isolationism under the current regime of President Donald Trump.

Many onlookers were actually only there for the Pope’s Neil Peart-style drum solo during the taking of Communion.

On the ground among the throng, Sandy Batt of America’s Last Line of Defense was embedded with a smattering of representatives of the western press corps, and filed a report detailing some of the highlights of the remarks.  God’s very representitive on the Creation had some choice words and decidedly liberal-leaning suggestions for the second-place and dropping incumbent President who was listening in the West Wing while trying to catch and capture his farts in a Folgers coffee can.

“To the President, across the ocean of God’s great creation in America – Mr. Trump : it is time to throw open your borders to those who suffer from your country’s very policies.  Jesus himself did such, to teach us to embrace the stranger in your land as you would your very family.  It is obvious that Trump is no Jesus – in fact, he is not even fit to speak His name.  But I believe there is hope.  Hope that enough people will come to their senses and vote his sad criminal ass out of the White House and into the bottom bunk of a prison cell.  May God bless you all.  You can buy my T-shirts and CD’s at the merch tables around the square.”

The pope has long been critical of the American President’s actions and policies, and considers him a temporary hiccup of history, to the extent that the Popemobile boasts a bumper sticker bearing the slogan: “F*ck Off Boomer.”

He also has an awesome “Mugging of Jesus” window decal. Total O.G.

Do you agree with fictional Pope Francis as the only person on the planet yearning for “open borders” even though Trump keeps yammering lies to the contrary on his Twitter feed?  Or do you wish the Lord would strike him mute like the rest of the planet?  Let us pray on it.