Planet Fitness made a huge mistake. A Bud Light-like goof. By allowing someone in a locker room based on what gender they want to be, they’ve offended a majority of Americans.
Their error, however, is a welcome one to PF’s largest competitor, Globo Gym International. CEO of Globo Gym, Joe Barron, says not since the days of the epic battles between them and Average Joe’s has the gym scene been so volatile.
“Luckily, the PF crowd was looking for a place to go,” said Barron, “We made the quick decision to embrace that old Joe’s philosophy that Planet Fitness carries, toss our judgments out the window, and cater to portly soccer moms.”
The idea to give them free memberships for a year was a solid business decision, says Barron, because while they won’t pay a membership fee, they will spend $4 on bottled water and $27 per week on average at the smoothie bar, which is mostly just Great Value frozen okra.
We sent ALLOD Fitness Correspondelator Tara Newhole to her local Globo Gym to get a feel for how the community is responding to the boycott:
“Well, Flagg,” said Newhole, “since I’m out here on another wild goose chase I figured I’d grab a Whataburger and go to the Planet Fitness instead. The people I talked to said that the membership has decreased noticeably. Not because there are a lot of defectors but because those who did leave are the truck-flagging cult members that annoy everyone and never wipe their sweat off the machines.”
While that may be great news in Tara’s weird other world, it doesn’t change the fact that Globo Gym picked up a bunch of new members because believing that is far more satisfying. God Bless America.
