Investigators looking into the recent altercation at the Pelosi residence have a staggering amount of evidence. According to a source close to someone who overheard the lead detective talking to the FBI, there was a stack of love letters from Paul Pelosi in the house that drew a lot of attention. One reporter asked about it and was told “that’s none of your business” by an intimidating-looking man wearing sunglasses at 8 PM.
The letters left the house in a big envelope marked “evidence, though the Pelosis, the police, nor the Department of Justice will verify their existence. They did rule out any connection to the alleged attacker, David DePape, telling ALLOD Correspondent Skip Tetheludah that DePape is a lunatic right-wing terrorist who probably would have worn a suicide vest if Tucker Carlson said it would be funny. The comment, out of context, could be seen by some on the right as insulting.
One agent from the Secret SWervice spoke off the record and won’t allow us to confirm or deny whether we ever checked his real identity at all said the letters are definitely from POaul Pelosi, but the feds don’t have them, because they were addressed to Nancy.
“Surely, if we find evidence that Paul Pelosi is really a quarreling gay lover we’ll let you know,” said a source inside the White House Communications office. How do we know they’re telling the truth? Because the truth is what you make of it, patriots. You never know what you’re gonna get.
God bless America.
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