In the wide and wonderful world of Presidential Pardons, there have been a veritable slew of controversial freedoms. Bush the second pardoning day trader Joe Barron. Barack Obama’s revolving door for 90210 star Brian Austin Green. Trump letting go of every single criminal in his massive organization.
This week comes another crybaby given his new pair of walking shoes. Jussie Smollett, the “Empire” actor who falsified a “racist” attack by Trump supporters was duly tried and sentenced to jail time for his heinous offense. But now he’s strutting free, smoking clove cigarettes and probably singing that song by Katrina and the Waves about “Walking on Sunshine.”. I forget what it’s called.
Smollett’s television ambitions have rebounded as well, with guest spots on NCIS and Doctor Who mentioned, as well as a huge revival of the “Empire” series. The formerly screwed dude stands to make millions from his experience.
For his part, Biden explained his logic to a crowd of media and normal people alike, gathered in front of the White House’s Dandelion Garden. The one on Queefwhiff Street.
“I am hereby issuing this executive pardon for all crimes committed in the United States for Jessie Sublet, whom I am told was a successful television personality. I believe he also voted for me, so. What? Oh, Jussie. Jussie Smollett is evidently hi name. My apologies. I can’t hear anything without my reading glasses on.”
Prison executives have already earmarked Smollett’s cell for former Trump employee Steve Bannon, who is accused of obstructing justice and contempt of court. Sounds completely legit for that f’ing weasel, doesn’t it?
Other Pardons that Joe Biden is deeply considering include allowing the Red Hot Chili Peppers to live after making album after album of the same song for thirty years, and letting Jared from the “Subway” ads finally receive a cell with toiletries.
