Oprah Winfrey’s new charity “Coats for Kids” is under investigation by the Citizens United National Trust Society for allegedly scamming the public.
According to our sources, they took in just north of $140 million but only bought 310 coats. So…where did the rest go?
“After buying the first 310 pieces,” explained Charity Director Joe Barron, “Oprah realized it would be better to just buy our own factory. So now, we employ 110 people sho make coats for free for those who need them and at a deep discount for those who typically have to shop secondhand.”
Our financialisticator, Tara Newhole, says the move has turned the $140 million into nearly a billion dollars, all of which is spent making sure children are warm in the cold weather.
“She’s a monster,” said Newhole, “If she was really a good billionaire she would have bought a slave labor factory in China and freed everyone.”
Tara makes a good point. She certainly can afford to save a bunch of kids from child labor in undeveloped countries, so why doesn’t she? Is she too busy buying up land in Maui for her and her friends and their Illuminati plans to conquer the Earth or something?
Unfortunately, patriots, we may never know the answer to that question. Mostly because it’s stupid. God Bless America.
