In a revelation that has shocked absolutely no one paying attention, newly released White House visitor logs indicate that former President Barack Obama has spent more time in the White House in 2024 than Joe Biden himself.
According to the official record-keeper, a man with the prestigious title of “Senior Executive Director of Logistical Presidential Tracking and Snack Inventory”, Joe Barron, Obama has been a near-constant presence in the executive mansion—while Biden’s attendance has been described as “occasional at best.”
Why Has Obama Been at the White House So Much?
Despite rampant speculation that Obama has some sort of secret role in the administration, the reality is far more ridiculous. White House sources confirm that Obama just really loves the White House bowling alley and indoor pool.
“Look, the guy was president for eight years, but do you know how little time he actually had to go bowling?” Barron explained. “Now that he’s got free time, he’s making up for it. And I’ve got the logs to prove it.”
In fact, Obama’s White House visits have been so frequent that maintenance staff reportedly installed a personal locker for his bowling shoes and swim trunks right next to the Situation Room.
“Sometimes, while the administration is discussing serious matters like foreign policy and inflation, you can hear him down the hall yelling ‘STRIKE!’” said one anonymous official.
The Cheeseburger Scandal
But Obama’s bowling and swimming aren’t the only expenses raising eyebrows. The logs also indicate that during his many visits, Obama racked up an eye-watering $48,000 tab on cheeseburgers from the White House kitchen.
“I mean, what can I say? The guy loves cheeseburgers,” Barron admitted. “Honestly, I’ve never seen someone put away that many in a single sitting. It’s impressive. Borderline concerning, but impressive.”
According to the logs, Obama ordered an average of 14 cheeseburgers per visit, frequently pairing them with milkshakes and fries while watching ESPN reruns of old Bulls games.
“He’s living his best life,” one White House chef said. “At this point, we’ve just started calling one of the burgers ‘The Obama Special.’”
Where Has Biden Been?
While Obama has been enjoying bowling, swimming, and an excessive amount of cheeseburgers, the logs also reveal that Joe Biden’s attendance at the White House has been far more… sporadic.
According to Barron’s meticulously kept records, Biden has been known to “wander off” unexpectedly, sometimes forgetting whether he left for an official event or just a mid-afternoon ice cream run.
“There were days we thought he was in the Oval Office, but turns out, he was actually in Delaware watching Matlock reruns,” Barron admitted.
Final Verdict: Who’s Running the Show?
Despite conspiracy theories, officials insist that Obama is not secretly running the government—he just really enjoys the perks of the White House without any of the responsibility.
“I mean, if you had free access to the best bowling alley, pool, and burgers in America, wouldn’t you use them too?” Barron said.
As for Biden, staffers remain confident that he’ll eventually find his way back to the White House full-time—possibly after someone reminds him where it is.
Stay tuned, America.
