Fifty-year federal court veteran Harold Stone shut down former President Trump’s legal team in Gamyqueef, Georgia yesterday, and dismissed four cases with prejudice, calling them “conspiracy theory nonsense” and “idiotic garbage” in a courtroom diatribe lasting over ten minutes. During the arguments themselves, Stone pointed out that so-called “evidence” of election fraud pulled from YouTube shitvideos is ridiculously inadmissible.
Trump’s lead attorney, the now covidified Rudy Guliani stood in silence, covered head to toe in a protective NASA flight suit, as courtroom security guard “Bull” Shannon stood nearby with a hand resting warily on his nightstick. The hearings, arguments, and witness testimony were all filmed before a live audience.
“I sometimes like it that it’s always me that ends up getting all the wacky cases,” Stone noted, speaking into a microphone covered whimsically with a rubber chicken. “But this takes the inauguration cake. You, and your crowd of Trump-knobbing thalidomide mutants expect anyone in their right mind to believe that an evil computer system was rewritten either in Germany or North Korea to shift votes in a conspiracy that would take millions of secret active participants? And you’re showing a suitcase video that’s already been debunked numerous times, as well as footage of low-grade Jimmy Swaggert clones with GoPros in their basements pooping out some kind of ‘expert’ testimony based on schizophrenia? I mean, guys, you lost, get over it. You’re lucky I don’t sentence you to sanitizing Dan’s sex dungeon.”
Stone was referring to court prosecutor Dan Fielding, who responded with a lopsided snide smile and uttered : “Most of it is organic Corinthian leather, your honor.”
Although lower profile cases are still open, such as former legal analyst Joe Barron’s insistence in Georgia that the entire state had voted in a state of hallucinatory fugue as explained in another YouTube video detailing a plot by Biden-biased Bigfoot people to drug peach supplies, the denial was a slap in the ass to Trump’s continuing efforts to steal the election through bullshit and having a colossolly stupid base. That kind of nonsense would really be some magic trick.
