The National Football League continues to alienate its fans and shoot itself in the foot. A mere 14 hours after announcing Rihanna as the Super Bowl’s halftime show this season, the league’s stock lost $1.3 billion. According to Chief Financial Officer Joe Barron, the hit couldn’t have come at a worse time. “We just lost a $6 million kneeling lawsuit, which also tanked the stock,” said the frustrated executive.
The NFL has been losing steam over the past few years with several bad decisions. They allow people to kneel during the national anthem, costing them millions of fans. Stanley Webster Keen and More estimates that more than $29 million in NFL gear went up in flames, losing them free advertising revenue. Most children under 16 in Republican homes are forbidden from watching professional sports, except hockey, for some reason.
On hearing the news, Tesla owner Elon Musk said he’s pulling all of his shares and sinking them into his anti-trust case against Twitter. Jeff Bezos says he’s not interested in bailing the flailing company out. Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots and the world-famous Mac ‘n Cheese in the blue box, says hhe’s considering folding the team and sinking the revenue into his soccer club, the Revolution.
Major League Baseball spokesman Art Tubolls said that the league isn’t planning on having Rihanna at the World Series. They do, however, intend to stop the Boston Red Sox from continuing their ritualistic singing of Neil Diamond during the 7th-inning stretch in favor of a catchy new tune by Harry Stiles.
Wokeness is everywhere.
