The official word has come in. Roseanne Barr won’t be doing another sitcom. She will, instead, form a panel for a show modeled after “The View” with a conservative twist.

The new show, as yet nameless, will run in the same daytime hour as the Whoopi Goldberg version on ABC. CBS executive Joe Barron says the network is happy to have someone of Roseanne’s caliber for the new project.

“There’s an entire market of cable-watching baby boomers who want simple, easy-to-digest television for their retirement. Rupert is onto something here. As the rest of cable television struggles, Fox gets stronger. As everyone switches to streaming, Fox’s viewers refuse. They own archaic entertainment for the next decade, and we want in.”

There’s no word yet as to who Roseanne might want on her show, but she definitely won’t limit it to females. “I’m not a sexist like Whoopi,” she said, “I like a little sausage with my breakfast.”

Classy as ever, Roseanne plans to bring her unique brand of entertainment into your living rooms, but this time with a special dose of crass ignorance her true fans have grown to adore.

“We’re hoping for 5 million viewers per day,” said Barron, “which sounds like a lot but it’s only twice what The View gets and everyone knows nobody even watches that show.”

We pray this is true, and the last Roseanne story for a while, patriots, but we all know that’s probably a little bit unrealistic. Anyway, God Bless America.

143 Comments

  1. Paul
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    When does Roseanne’s new show start?

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      when this site stops being satire (AKA never)

  2. Linda Nielsen
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    Can’t wait for Roseanne to combat the View for ratings. I never watch the view but I will watch Roseanne, so fun!

    • Crazy Jim
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      yeah, 1.0 on IMDB because THIS SITE IS SATIRE! LOL

  3. Jimmy
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    As a conservative, I am looking forward to Roseanne Barr’s new show.

    • Crazy Jim
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      As a crazy person, I think that the show is real AND THIS SITE ISN’T SATIRE!

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    1Win – популярное среди игроков из стран СНГ казино. 1Win официально был открыт в 2012 году, сейчас входит в ТОП лучших площадок для азартных игр. Доступны обычные автоматы, спортивные росписи, лайвы. Реализуется щедрая бонусная политика, которая делает игру максимально выгодной и приятной. Перечень слотов постоянно расширяется, в каталоге размещаются слоты проверенных разработчиков.

  100. CarlosdoB
    Reply
    July 19, 2024,

    Официальный сайт 1Вин
    1Win – популярное среди игроков из стран СНГ казино. 1Win официально был открыт в 2012 году, сейчас входит в ТОП лучших площадок для азартных игр. Доступны обычные автоматы, спортивные росписи, лайвы. Реализуется щедрая бонусная политика, которая делает игру максимально выгодной и приятной. Перечень слотов постоянно расширяется, в каталоге размещаются слоты проверенных разработчиков.

  119. sell my house fast
    Reply
    July 21, 2024,

    An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been doing a little homework on this. And he actually bought me dinner because I found it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to discuss this topic here on your blog.

  135. navratri chaniya choli
    Reply
    July 23, 2024,

    Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon everyday. It’s always helpful to read content from other authors and practice a little something from their web sites.

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