Miss USA Boycotts Miss Universe Pageant: “I’m Not Competing Against a Man”

Natasha Berkelston grew up in the heartland of America. Ashbaucher, Indiana is known for its sparse population, high number of people on government assistance, and sprawling dirt roads in Section 8 trailer parks.

With all of that working against her, she made it out. She won the Little Miss, the Junior Miss, and the Miss Teen pageants in her state. At just 20, she’s now Miss USA, with only one step left to the international title of Miss Universe. Unfortunately, she’s not going.

“I won’t compete against a man,” she told ALLOD Correspondent Joe Barron, referring to the winner from the Netherlands, Rikki Valerie. “And I won’t be in the same locker room. Those areas are sacred and no place for a man.”

Valerie won the competition in her country by guilting everyone with her essay answer instead of advocating for world peace. “You must accept the trans community and show them that they matter,” she told the judges. Fearing retribution from the LGBTQ community, they buckled. As they always do.

Berkelston will return to her duties as Miss USA cutting ribbons at car washes and trying to make deals with Playboy for “discreet” shoots. She’s more likely to land Maxim, where she’ll never compete with Avril Lavigne. All because she stood up for her morals.

Valerie’s spokesperson, Pat, said they’re not really sure why anyone is upset. “Nobody knew Rikki had transitioned until she told them. It began young and was completed before she started a modeling career. She chose to come out.”

The statement made a bunch of conservative men who had already forgiven her smile as Summer Glau-esque that they couldn’t help but find Valerie “pretty hot.” You know. Fir a dude. God Bless America.