In a revelation that’s rocking the fringes of conservative Facebook groups and at least four basements in Oklahoma, a recently re-surfaced yearbook has confirmed what many “Deep State” truthers have long suspected: Michelle Obama and Amy Coney Barrett were college roommates. For one whole year. In the same room. Breathing the same air.
And according to several people who may or may not exist, that’s when the plan was hatched.
“They called themselves the ‘Double M.’” says Joe Barron, a former vending machine technician at Notre Dame who claims he saw them “talking all serious” in the quad once. “I never trusted it. Michelle would walk barefoot in the grass and Amy had a secret notebook. No one writes in secret notebooks unless they’re planning something.”
That notebook, according to DOGE (Department of Governmental Ethics, now headquartered in a converted Sizzler off I-95), contained a 17-point strategy to slowly infiltrate the American justice system, destroy the concept of judicial independence, and… somehow… make everyone eat plant-based sausage.
Art Tubolls, who runs the Substack newsletter “Barrett Bombshells & Michelle’s Misdeeds,” says he cracked the code after watching five hours of reruns of The View and catching a “knowing glance” from Whoopi Goldberg whenever ACB is mentioned. “The signs are all there,” Tubolls says, pointing to a blurry photo of a dorm room with two twin beds and what appears to be a Che Guevara poster. “That room? That’s where America died.”
The theory has caught on among the usual suspects.
Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted, “So THAT’S why Barrett ruled against us in Tesla v. Crybabies! Deep State sleeper cell confirmed. Wake up, people! #RoommateGate”
Mike Lindell offered free pillows to anyone who could provide additional evidence, while a man named Randy in a Bass Pro Shops parking lot insisted this proves “Barrett ain’t one of us.” When asked who “us” is, Randy threw a handful of beef jerky and disappeared into a Dodge Ram.
Even Donald Trump weighed in from the gold couch at Mar-a-Lago, stating: “They were roommates? I didn’t know that. Did you know that? I didn’t know that. Sounds fake, but it’s probably true. Michelle… Amy… very suspicious. Very suspicious names. Both start with vowels.”
Naturally, when reporters asked Justice Barrett if this was true, she looked confused and asked, “I went to Rhodes College and Notre Dame. Michelle went to Princeton and Harvard. We never crossed paths. Where are you even getting this?”
But of course, that’s exactly what she’d say if she were trying to hide a decade-long Obama-Barrett alliance meant to smuggle critical race theory into your crockpot.
In the end, the entire story appears to have originated from a meme shared by a woman named Darlene who got banned from Bingo Night at her church for throwing a lavender-infused shoe.
But hey, it’s on the internet now.
So it must be true.
God Bless America.
