Former Basketball Superstar and current owner of more than 40 percent of Nike’s tradable stock, Michael Jordan, resigned from the company’s Board of Directors, taking his proprietary “Air Jordan” line with him. “It doesn’t feel like home anymore,” Jordan told reporters, “They’ll have to find a new name to carry them.
reports say Nike is currently in negotiations with LeBron James, who has no issues with wokeness. They’re also considering using a CGI version of Kobe Bryant, if it isn’t “too soon.” As for Jordan, he’s not too concerned with the company’s problems anymore.
Sources say Jordan is already in talks with both Reebok and Skechers to market the anti-gravity liquid that makes Air Jordan’s so special. The extra lift from a pocket of compressed neutrogino-polarized tachyon particles keeps the wearer in the air an estimated .8 seconds longer. That’s a lifetime when you’re going to the hoop.
“I’m pretty sure anyone would be happy to get their hands on that tech,” said Jordan, “I developed it with Cindy Crawford back in the 80s. It really changed everything.” He’s not wrong. The Air Jordan technology has been incorporated into everything from inflatable swimming pools to the SpaceX rocket. It’s truly a remarkable feat of engineering.
Jordan also owns three NBA teams and a huge stake in Hooters, so he’s probably going to be just fine.
