Mark Wahlberg certainly has come a long way since his days with The Funky Bunch. A devout man of God, Wahlberg is the only top-earning Hollywood celebrity willing to talk about his relationship with the Almighty.

That’s why it wasn’t surprising to hear that he turned down a huge offer to work alongside Tom Hanks in Rob Reiner’s upcoming film “Insurrection.” According to the actor’s spokesmodel, Joe Barron, Wahlberg never even considered it.

“He heard those two names in a sentence,” said Barron, “and immediately fell to his knees in prayer. He stood up, tears from the Lord still in his eyes, and declared his intentions before the Holy Spirit and all of humanity: He will not work with Tom Hanks.”

“I did pray for his soul,” Wahlberg added, since he was standing right there, “I don’t know if it will help. Only by being faithful in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and drinking lots of Dunkin’ can we make this country and its Christian roots great again.”

A slight halo appeared just as he said those fateful final words and then disappeared in the blink of an eye. A dog that was sitting in the window across the street tilted his head to the left and we knew…the spirit of the Lord was with us.

It was an honor to be a part of this magical experience, patriots, even if it was pretty well just ad-libbed because the meme took off. I’m probably gonna skip the Tom Selleck/Whoopi Goldberg spiel on the other page.

God Bless America. And God Bless Marky Mark Wahlberg and you know what? Screw it. God Bless that Funky ass Bunch, too. Amen.

24 Comments

  1. I appreciate the effort that goes into creating high-quality content, and this post was no exception. The insights and information were top-notch and made for a really engaging read. Keep up the great work!

    • John Smiff

      Just A Truly Idiotic And Worthless Article To Say The Very Least!!!! Leave “GOD” Out Of Anything Related To Such Lowlife Mentality And Get Your Mind Right!!!!

  2. MABEL JOHNSON

    THERE WOULD NOT BE THESE STORIES IF THEY WERE NOT TRUE , HE KILLS KIDS AND LEAVES GLOVES BUT IT IS A DIFFERENT HANK NOW THE FIRST ONE WAS KILLED AT GITMO AFTER A TRIAL

  3. Dean

    I would like to add… A Movie Called “Insurrection” by Riener… Ya… Not a single conservative should support that crap… Not in a million years.

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  7. Gosomere Gonads

    The website the article telling the Mark Walberg/Tom Hanks story was on was a SATIRE website called Esspots.

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