Wow. What an early birthday present for Kyle Rittenhouse!
Billionaire President Donald Trump surprised the American hero today with an all expenses paid trip to outer space on Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin rocket, reportedly worth about $250,000.
Following in the footsteps of other celebrities, most notably William Shatner, aka Captain James T. Kirk of the famed USS Enterprise, Kyle Rittenhouse will be the second youngest person ever to make it to outer space.
The young Mr. Rittenhouse will be joined by three other crew members, including his mother Wendy, who is flying courtesy of the newly established Kyle Rittenhouse Foundation, which provides free firearms and self defense lessons for disadvantaged and at-risk youth.
The other two crew members are famed actresses Annie Sprinkle and Kay Parker, who rose to fame in the 1980’s and are well known to just about every American Patriot who was a teenager at the time.
Reached at her home, Wendy Rittenhouse was ecstatic at the welcome news:
“This fulfills one of Kyle’s life long dreams: to become the first teenager to to be a member of the 60 mile high club. Our fellow crew members are a perfect match for this endeavor, and I’ll be there to make sure it happens.
I might even have a bit of fun myself!”
Trump campaign spokesperson Cletus Derpfinger wished the young hero well:
“It’s not every day that we get to blast not only an American hero, but also his mother into space. We sincerely hope nothing goes wrong and that both don’t spend the rest of their days circling the earth accompanied by two aging adult film stars.
On the other hand, there are definitely worse ways to go, especially if you’re a teenager. We wish them luck!”
The generosity of President Donald Trump truly has no boundaries. I’m sure all American Potatriots™ will join this author in wishing Kyle godspeed and good luck.
