Kyle Rittenhouse and a group of his friends spent a terrifying night lost in the woods outside of Bozeman, Montana. The four friends purchased a canned hunt package from Ted Nugent’s “Guaranteed Trophy LLC” and were on their way to the fenced area when they wandered off the trail and got lost.
Local authorities gathered volunteers and searched through the night, finding them this morning on the other side of the valley, completely lost. “There were good trail markers, but they must have just stopped looking at them, ” said head rescuer Joe Barron, “the first thing the boys did was admit that they’re morons.”
Rittenhouse and his friends reportedly walked more than 6 miles, across three major roads and a bridge, through no fewer than a dozen private yards, and stopped twice for ice cream. The young 2nd Amendment advocate says he has no clue how they got that lost. When they started seeing civilization, they just “figured it was part of the package.”
Ted Nugent wasn’t available for comment. He was forced to go and shoot the four deer the boys for so he wouldn’t have to pay to feed them. He says they’ll get no refunds and he’s keeping the backstraps.
Can you blame him? Do better next time, Kyle. We’re counting on you as one of our heroes.
