To this day, there are still groups of suspicious patriots who believe the national election in 2020 was not perfectly by-the-book and boasted massive amounts of fraudulent activity, despite the complete and total lack of even a shred of proof. Now another story has broken that may prove these “conspiracy theory wackos” even more gullible and massively unintelligent.
Fox News is actually thinking about just saving some cash and replacing Tucker Carlson with a potato and a Bluetooth speaker.
After a three-month long investigation by federal voting authorities spurred on by constant begging and phone harrassment by pillionaire Mike Lindell, the Department of Parks and Recreation has announced that they have found evidence of illegal sales of ballot printing machines by Democratic senator Leslie Knope to representitives in Georgia, Arizona, and Arkansee.
Lead investigator Joe Barron told local radio disc jockey Joey “The Douche” Hamilton that the bust was part of a sting conducted in the attempt to silence the ridiculous ramblings of Lindell and his following of laughable simpletons.
“I don’t know, Douche, we’d gotten like eight thousand letters from that fat pillow guy at Parks and Rec. He sends the same ones to every agency, Transportation, Fish and Wildlife, you know. A real schizo nutface. So we decided to get high and pull a little prank just to give him something to do.”
“We used a character from that TV show Parks and Recreation, because its worked before with members of the Trump Cult. They don’t watch any TV except Murder She Wrote or Andy Griffith. And they’re easily stupid enough not to get the joke. I mean ‘ballot printers?’ Like they have special ballot ink or something. Ell oh ell.”
Lindell recently confirmed that he will call paper expert Micheal Scott during the trial.
Knope has been placed under house arrest in a fictional holding facility just outside of Pawnee, Indiana, where she will wait to be arraigned this weekend in a fictional court. Legal representitive Harvey Birdman has not commented about the case to the press, but inside sources confirm that Mike Lindell himself will appear to masturbate at the preliminary hearing.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
