In what may be the dumbest storyline we’ve ever come up with, Taylor Swift has refused to join Kid Rock, Jason Aldean, Blake Shelton, and Jelly Roll for a benefit show for hurricane victims.
“The idea started when Craven Moorehead came up with a story about Kid Rock heading to North Carolina with supplies but Tay Tay was nowhere to be found,” said ALLOD Lead Journalisticator Flagg Eagleton – Patriot, “It reminded me of that time my dad had a manic episode and thought he’d get famous for bringing saline solution to Ground Zero, so I went with it.”
According to Moorehead, he did it for the Big Macs:
“Do you have any idea how many Big Macs this guy owes me right now? Faggedaboutit.”
It’s true, patriots. ALLOD has financial troubles so we typically pay our writers in cantaloupes and watermelons, but with Kamala Harris’ grocery prices at an all-time high and growing by the minute, we had to switch gears. While Big Macs are expensive, they’re much more affordable if you use the app, and you can typically squeak out some 20-piece nuggets for the kids.
What does any of this have to do with a benefit concert for hurricane victims? There’s no way to tell for sure, sadly, but we’ll keep you posted as this developing story…develops.
God Bless America.
