Whoopi Goldberg’s Hail Mary lawsuit against Elon Musk and Twitter has failed…hard. Judge Joseph Barron of the 65th District Court of Writs and Warrants declined to authorize the case, calling it a “travesty of litigation.”

Goldberg claimed in her suit that because Elon Musk banned her from Twitter, he violated her constitutional right to free speech. Musk’s lawyer, Sandra Dee Batt, reminded Judge Barron that Goldberg’s account was deleted after she quit the platform voluntarily.

“What we have here,” said Ms. Batt, “is someone who wants to have her privileges restored so she can join and quit at will as if Twitter was some kind of place to do things like that.”

The judge agreed. “Twitter is a private space and Mr. Musk can do as he pleases,” said Barron, which is true, “This case has no merit.” Which would, consequently, also be true. The rules of Twitter and the way the Bill of Rights works sometimes interfere with the natural flow of satire, interjecting things that make you go hmmm.

In this case, it’s simple: Whoopi can’t just sue people because they were mean to her or because she didn’t get her way. Those types of articles never go anywhere. Toss out a lawsuit or have little Kyle punish her but good? Tater O’clock and I wanna rock. God Bless America.

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