Jim Jordan Tells Hunter Biden “You’re Going to Jail” When Republicans Take Over

When Republicans officially take over, all this nonsense about insurrections and who did what won’t matter anymore, because Kevin McCarthy says we’re gonna be looking at at least 2 years of getting answers to questions that matter, such as what’s really on Hunter Biden’s laptop.

Representative Gym Jordan of Ohio had a run-in with the younger Biden recently at a bagel shop in Cleveland. Hunter reached out to shake Jordan’s hand and instead got told “you’re going to prison.” Biden walked away with swollen eyes, according to a witness who was there with Jordan.

The congressman emailed our lead journalisticator personally to tell him about the incident since there were no other witnesses and most bagel shop employees only speak Swahili. We verified the incident with our Swahili interpreter and a picture of Biden half-naked in a sensory deprivation tank for clarity.

Jordan says he felt threatened by Biden’s quick advance and has no idea why someone who once smoked crack would want to shake the hand of a guy who covered for sexual abuse. “It’s just weird,” Jordan said in the email.

We agree, Gym. Very weird indeed. Hopefully, a slew of investigations will get to the bottom of it.