Another day, another bombshell investigation from Elon Musk’s DOGE—and by “bombshell,” we mean another embarrassing blunder that should probably result in DOGE employees retaking third-grade math.

This time, the target of Musk’s highly competent and totally unbiased audit team was Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett, who, according to DOGE’s initial findings, had somehow managed to steal $100,000 in student loan forgiveness while earning a congressional salary of $174,000.

For about four whole hours, conservative media ran with the story, with Fox News breathlessly declaring that Crockett was “the new face of Democrat corruption”, and Newsmax suggesting that she should be immediately deported—somehow.

But there was just one little problem: Crockett never applied for loan forgiveness.

DOGE’s Expert Investigation: Oops, Never Mind

Once actual accountants (not Musk fanboys in Tesla-branded polo shirts) took a closer look at the numbers, they realized something rather inconvenient—the entire accusation was based on an Excel spreadsheet error.

It turns out, the $100,000 in question wasn’t even a student loan at all—it was a completely unrelated education grant awarded to a nonprofit that helps underprivileged students go to college.

Even better? Crockett had nothing to do with it.

But hey, why let facts get in the way of a good political hit job?

“There’s no way any of this is legal,” said DOGE spokesperson and part-time Cybertruck door tester Joe Barron, before realizing he had been reading from a completely different report about fraudulent Tesla charging stations.

Musk’s “Genius” Leadership Strikes Again

After the massive screw-up was revealed, Musk did what any responsible leader would do—he tweeted something about “wokeness destroying America” and then quietly deleted all references to the accusation against Crockett.

Meanwhile, DOGE’s credibility—which was already hanging by a thread—took yet another hit, with legal analysts now openly wondering if Musk’s “expert audit team” is just a bunch of Twitter trolls Googling things between rage-posts about electric vehicles.

Will Musk Ever Get It Right? (Spoiler: No.)

This isn’t the first massive blunder from Musk’s self-appointed watchdog agency. In just the last month alone, DOGE has:

  • Accused Bernie Sanders of owning three private jets, only to realize they were photoshopped pictures from a Babylon Bee article.
  • Claimed Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez leased a $1,200-a-month Mercedes-Benz—which turned out to be a DoorDash driver with the same initials.
  • Alleged that Nancy Pelosi’s bank account had been frozen for corruption, only for the “account” to actually belong to a retired librarian named Nancy Pelson.

And now, they’ve tried to pin a fake scandal on Crockett—all because someone at DOGE forgot to cross-check a number before launching a national outrage campaign.

So, what happens now?

“The days of stealing from taxpayers right under our noses are over,” Barron said, before being informed that no taxpayer money had actually been stolen.

He then quickly excused himself, presumably to update his LinkedIn profile before DOGE collapses entirely.

God Bless America.