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Washington, D.C. – In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples through both the political and academic communities, Congressman Jamie Raskin has reportedly taken full advantage of student loan debt relief to pay off his daughters’ degrees in Gender Studies, raising questions about fiscal responsibility, higher education priorities, and whether or not dad jokes are a valid form of reparations.
Sources close to the Raskin family confirm that his daughters, who each hold prestigious degrees in Gender Studies with a minor in Postmodern Wokenomics, had amassed student debt equivalent to the GDP of a small island nation. When questioned about the decision, Raskin defended his actions, stating, “Look, if the government is handing out free money, am I supposed to just not take it? That would be fiscally irresponsible.”
Critics on the right were quick to pounce, with Senator Josh Hawley declaring, “This is exactly what’s wrong with America—career politicians funneling taxpayer money into useless degrees while hardworking families struggle to pay for real subjects like Engineering and Trucking 101.” Meanwhile, progressive activists praised the move as “a necessary redistribution of cookie-cutter capitalist education funds,” with one Twitter user proclaiming, “If we can bail out Wall Street, we can bail out intersectional feminist theory.”
The controversy has already sparked broader discussions about the value of gender studies degrees. One conservative commentator quipped, “If Jamie Raskin’s daughters can’t make a living with their degrees, maybe the real gender inequality is their inability to get hired.”
As the debate rages on, one thing remains clear: the only debt relief program that faces no opposition is the one where politicians forgive themselves.
