After the shocking surprise raid on Mar-a-Lago last week, federal investigators upped their game today with a similar raid at the former estate of deceased Trump ex-wife Ivana in New York’s upper East side. Witnesses reported over a dozen vehicles with federal markings outside of the home.
Agents were seen carting out boxes, crates, and various dildo display cases from the residence, and assistants went through hundreds of large envelopes seeking what appeared to be, similar documents as those discovered during the original Trump intrusion.
Attorney General Merrick Garland offered no explanation for either of the raids and his office had no comment for our in-house journalists, but FBI Head of Tomfoolery Agent Sandra Batt had a bit to disclose.
“Garland really wants to nail Trump to the floor, and sooner rather than later. These raids have turned up tons of classified documents which the Orange-a-tang shouldn’t have, and his dead wife tore the tags off of her mattresses and owns a bootleg DVD copy of ‘Aquaman’. There’s a hell of a lot here. And we’ve only just started. “
Both the raids seem to signal more to come and have really angered the conservative right. Sean Hannity and mutated sea scallop Tucker Carlson have both been treated by a physician for severe diarrhea.
Members of Ivana Trump’s inner circle were detained shortly just for fun and made to line up and sing the theme song to television’s “Boston Legal” program. Bow bow.
