Disgraced President Bill Clinton may be dying, according to a source close to the family. Observers have noticed for years that Clinton’s health was declining, and healthcare professionals most likely had plenty of cause for concern.
After some digging, our investigation found that the Clintons haven’t gone out much, and rather enjoy Door Dash and Uber Eats. Mr. Clinton’s favorite foods, however, have been on the decline. Local restaurants told ALLOD that the orders fro Hillary, Chelsea, and the rest of the people in the Westchester compound haven’t changed, but Bill’s have either been reduced to child portions or eliminated altogether.
There’s also a rumor swirling through town that Hillary and Chelsea were casket shopping, but may have been talked into having the ex-creep cremated instead. There is no independent confirmation to those details, but a worker at the local cemetery said she saw the Clintons there demanding to have several bodies moved so “Bill can rest under the only tree in the place.”
The Clintons refused to return our request for comment, as usual, on the grounds that we “just make things up.” Which is untrue. Painstaking research into what aggravates the common tater goes into every one of our pieces, patriots. We do it for you.
God bless America.
