A former art student has filed a lawsuit against Hunter Biden alleging that she “created approximately 87% of the paintings and mixed-media works” attributed to him between 2020 and 2023, and that she was “hired specifically to produce art that would appear to be the work of a troubled but talented middle-aged man recovering from addiction.” The plaintiff, identified as “Morgan K., a junior at Hunter College” (no relation), claims Biden paid her “$400 per painting plus unlimited White Claw” to “channel his trauma through my brushstrokes while he mostly napped in the studio.”
The lawsuit includes “draft contracts” referring to Biden as “the Brand” and Morgan as “the Hand,” along with “text messages in which Biden allegedly requested ‘something that looks like I painted it while crying but actually I was just watching you paint while thinking about my laptop.'” The plaintiff is seeking “actual damages of $2.4 million, representing her percentage of sales, plus emotional distress compensation for having to pretend his ‘abstract period’ was actually abstract and not just ‘me painting quickly because he had a meeting with a Ukrainian energy executive.'”
“This is appropriation,” said Joan Berro, a commercial art authentication consultant who once evaluated a painting at a garage sale and now consults on “presidential offspring art fraud.” “Eighty-seven percent. Is specific. For attribution. The Brand. And the Hand. Which is Morgan. And Hunter. Asleep. While she painted. His trauma. Through her. I’ve authenticated. Art. Usually it’s about. Brushstrokes. This is about. Who held. The brush. Which is Morgan. While Hunter. Held. The White Claw. And napped. For authenticity. Of suffering. Through proxy. Of painting. By college girl. For millions. In sales. The canvas doesn’t lie. And neither does the contract. Which says. ‘The Brand.’ For Hunter. And ‘The Hand.’ For Morgan. Who painted. While he napped. For art.”
Reno Borja, a dental hygienist whose patient once took an art class, confirmed that “the White Claw detail suggests a specific generational hiring choice.” “White Claw. Is for college. Not for middle-aged. Recovering addicts. Who paint. Authentically. Hunter chose. A college girl. For the Claw. And the brush. And the nap. While she worked. I’ve hired. Dental assistants. With preferences. For seltzer. Not for work. Which is similar. To Hunter’s. Hiring. Of Morgan. For the art. And the Claw. And the napping. While she suffered. Through his trauma. With her brush. The seltzer doesn’t lie. And neither does the junior. At Hunter College. Which is ironic. For name. Of college. And of patron. Of art. Through proxy. Of college girl. With Claw.”
Joe Barron, who once successfully painted a “abstract masterpiece” in 2015 by “spilling coffee on my desk and framing the stain” and now consults on “outsourced creativity authentication,” analyzed the Brand/Hand relationship. “The contract is clear,” Barron noted. “Brand is face. Hand is work. I’ve been a brand. At Golden Corral. ‘The guy who eats all the crab legs.’ But I do. The eating. Myself. Unlike Hunter. Who did. The napping. While Morgan. Did the painting. Of his trauma. Through her hand. For his brand. Which is genius. For marketing. Of suffering. Without suffering. Through proxy. Of college. And Claw. And nap.”
Barron has offered to serve as Morgan’s “artistic contribution verifier,” provided the plaintiff allows him to wear his custom “Authentic Suffering” smock and bring his emotional support ferret, which he claims can detect “outsourced creativity from the salad bar.”
The actual “lawsuit” was revealed to be “a performance art project by an actual Hunter College junior named Morgan who was ‘exploring the commodification of trauma in the art market’ and ‘wanted to see if people would believe that Hunter Biden’s art was too good to be his own, which is actually insulting to recovering addicts who paint, and also the $400 per painting figure was based on what she makes as a nanny, and also she has never met Hunter Biden, and also the ‘draft contracts’ were written in crayon on the back of her syllabus, and also the text messages were just her texting herself from a burner phone she bought for the project.'” Morgan told reporters that “the fact that major news outlets reported this as real before checking proves my point about how eager people are to believe that Hunter Biden is a fraud in every aspect of his life, and also I am genuinely worried about the state of journalism.” Hunter Biden confirmed that “I paint my own art, poorly but authentically, and also I have never hired a college student to nap while I drink White Claw, I prefer red wine, and also my art dealer can confirm that my paintings are genuinely mediocre in the way that only genuine suffering can produce.” Barron noted that “this explains the lawsuit” and that “if you add the number of actual art frauds committed by presidential children to the number of times we assume recovering addicts can’t possibly create anything of value, you get a number that represents exactly how much we enjoy tearing down people who are trying to rebuild their lives, which is apparently ‘so much that we will report a crayon syllabus as a legal document,’ and also ‘please check if something is performance art before filing it as news, and also maybe give recovering addicts some credit for their own creativity.'”
