In a shocking announcement that has left Hollywood scratching its collective head, legendary actor Harrison Ford has declared that he is officially done with woke movies.

There’s just one problem: this is not the Harrison Ford you’re thinking of.

Meet the “Other” Harrison Ford

The man making these bold declarations is actually Joe Barron, a former regional infomercial actor who legally changed his name to Harrison Ford in 2017 in an attempt to land a high-profile toenail fungus commercial.

“People always ask me if I’m the real Harrison Ford,” Barron explained at a press conference held in the back of a Denny’s. “And I always say, ‘Yes, of course, I am. Look at my driver’s license.’”

While Barron—er, Ford—never actually starred in any major Hollywood films, he insists that he’s been forced to endure years of wokeness while working in the entertainment industry.

“They wanted me to wear a seatbelt in a car commercial,” he complained. “I said, ‘No way. That’s woke nonsense.’ I lost the job.”

Barron also recalled the time he was rejected from an oatmeal commercial because he refused to acknowledge that oatmeal has fiber.

“What’s next? Making me say that vegetables are good for you? Not happening,” he declared.

The Final Straw

According to Barron, the breaking point came when he was cast in a local mattress store commercial and was asked to pretend to care about a customer’s sleep quality.

“I told them, ‘If someone doesn’t sleep well, that’s their problem. I’m not going to coddle them.’ But apparently, that was ‘insensitive,’ and they cut my scene,” Barron ranted.

What’s Next for Harrison “Joe Barron” Ford?

With his days of woke Hollywood oppression behind him, Barron has big plans for the future.

He is currently working on a self-funded action movie, which he describes as “Die Hard meets a Bass Pro Shops parking lot.” The film, titled “American Grit: The Joe Barron Story,” will feature:

  • No seatbelts
  • A lead character who refuses to eat vegetables
  • A lengthy scene where Barron yells at a self-checkout machine for being too “woke”

Meanwhile, the actual Harrison Ford has responded to the controversy with a simple and exhausted statement:

“I don’t know who this man is, and I don’t care.”

Final Thoughts

Will Joe Barron’s anti-woke crusade finally make him a star?

Will Hollywood take his complaints seriously?

Or will he continue being mistaken for a man who actually made movies people watched?

Only time will tell.