Rihanna, Wu-Tang Clan, 50 Cent To Play Superbowl Halftime

The big day is here, and the a announcement was made about which artists would perform in this year’s Superbowl halftime show.  Last year’s spectacle was slightly hyped, but lived up to the hoopla in more ways than one as Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and Eminem appeared together and belted out their greatest hits.

This year is no exception.  The planned rap/hip hop convergence of megastars like Rihanna, the newly reunited Wu-Tang Clan, and classic convict and thug 50-Cent is expected to please millions of fans and garner the highest ratings yet.

Many conservatives, however, like 98-year old Sandy Batt of Queefmamtle, Kentucky, aren’t very impressed with the selection of all black artists.

“Where are the country stars like Garrh Brooks or Garth Brooks?  Where is a nice sparkly white performer like Dolly Parton or Taylor Swift?  I mean, we’d hate both of those too because they’re libtards, but it’s better than those scary dusky-skinned people.  Yuck!”

Much of today’s commercial music has had a similar problem with recording agencies hesitant to fund newer artists as the public complexions become more and more diverse, and yet Trumpers and conservatards alike refuse to die off as quickly as planned.

“Duran Duran and the goddamn Fixx can’t do everything here, people,” says head of Captol Records Melissa Southard.  “You’re going to have to listen to music from after 1990 at some point.”