Kathy Griffin Arrested for Shoplifting In Beverly Hills

The Kathy Griffin tale of downfall and despair seems to have reached it’s nadir this past week, as the comedianne and activist was arrested during a shopping trip to Beverly Hills.  Police cuffed and restrained Griffin, (Real name Sandra Batt), and charged her with third-degree theft.

Griffin and gal-pal/lesbian documentarian Rosie O’Donnell were perusing the goods at legendary boulevard crack dealership White Lines this Thursday, when the pair stopped at a display of cocaine-infused gummi Trump figurines.  Griffin made a cruel joke and bit the head off of one, and held it up dangling while O’Donnell snapped a photograph.

White Lines’ security agent, Clete Torris, immediately grabbed the instant criminal and slammed her against a nearby counter.  As associates called police, Griffin screamed and gyrated.

“Calm down there, Serpico!” she blasted out.  “I was just sampling the wares!”

Griffin was booked into Beverly Hills holding center on three separate charges, including the shoplifting, as well as causing a public disturbance, and snacking during Ramadan.  Griffin is a devout Muslim.

Has reading this sordid tale made you feel like you’ve listened to a Mr. Mister album?  Like, you know, it was good, but nobody else is ever going to do it and it wasn’t good enough?  Yeah, that’s how Trump feels when he porks donuts.

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