Goldberg Jailed After D.U.I. Stop

It could happen to anyone, really.  You’re at an exclusive Hollywood Superbowl party at Robert Downey Jr.’s house, where the Mad Dog 20/20 is freely consumed and the champagne is flowing like, well, champagne.

After a few dozen drinks and a quick nosefull of China white to take the edge off, you’re ready for bed, so it’s off to your $120,000 Lamborghini to zip the few hundred measly miles home for a relaxing bubble bath and rest, where your four post bed and relaxation room stand ready in your mansion.

But something happens along the way.  Flashing lights and a siren put a halt to your 90 m.p.h. flight.

That’s the story behind Whoopi Goldberg’s evening as she was pulled over and arrested last night for a suspected D.U.I. stop in Queefblastery, California.  According to officers on the scene, the talk show host was incredibly inebriated and hostile.

“Miss Goldberg, who was identified by her dental records in the back seat of the patrol vehicle, was slurring her speech and nearly cock-eyed,” said patrolman Sanders Batt of the Queefblastery Police department.  “She was tested roadside and came up with a blood alcohol level of 21.6.”

The star of Sister Act 4 : Quantum Boogaloo also gained a charge of resisting arrest when she attempted to run, and tripped over a wrapped up pound of fentanyl, which had been hidden in her dress.

Gildberg is currently in the Queefblastery jail, awaiting the judge this morning for arraignment.