WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking revelation that is sure to upend public discourse, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has announced that he received a divine vision from none other than George Floyd’s late father, confirming that Floyd died from a drug overdose rather than police brutality. The revelation, delivered in what RFK Jr. describes as “a lucid, ghostly encounter”, has already been dismissed by mainstream media outlets as “probably just bad fish.”
The Vision
According to Kennedy, the apparition of George Floyd Sr.—who passed away in 2002—visited him late one night while he was detoxing in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber.
“At first, I thought it was just the oxygen deprivation playing tricks on me,” Kennedy admitted. “But then he spoke in a deep, booming voice that reverberated through my very soul. He said, ‘Bobby, my son died of an overdose, not from what the government wants you to believe.’”
Kennedy described the spirit as “glowing faintly, wearing a ‘World’s Best Dad’ T-shirt, and holding an astral pack of Newports.” Floyd Sr. allegedly went on to explain that the entire public narrative around his son’s death had been twisted by the forces of Big Government, Big Pharma, and possibly Big Dairy.
“He told me that fentanyl took his boy, not Derek Chauvin,” Kennedy continued. “And then he warned me about the dangers of 5G before disappearing into a swirling vortex of ancestral wisdom.”
The Political Fallout
The revelation has sent shockwaves through both political parties. While conservatives immediately jumped on the claim as “proof” that the official narrative of Floyd’s death was manipulated, liberal pundits have suggested that RFK Jr. might have confused a ghostly visitation with reading a weird Facebook comment thread.
“This is classic RFK Jr.,” sighed one CNN analyst. “One minute he’s talking about vaccine conspiracies, the next he’s having full-blown séances with historical figures. If he gets a vision from Martin Luther King Jr. next, I’m quitting.”
Experts Weigh In
Paranormal researchers and medical professionals alike have expressed skepticism about Kennedy’s claim, with one doctor suggesting that the entire experience may have been caused by a lack of electrolytes and extreme exposure to his own podcast.
“There is no scientific evidence that the afterlife includes convenient political endorsements,” said Dr. Linda Finkelstein, a leading neurologist. “And even if ghosts were real, it seems unlikely that George Floyd Sr. would choose to deliver this message to RFK Jr. instead of, say, literally anyone in his own family.”
RFK Jr. Stands by His Claim
Despite the backlash, Kennedy remains steadfast.
“I know what I saw, and I will not be silenced,” he declared at a press conference held inside a Whole Foods vitamin aisle. “George Floyd Sr. came to me for a reason. And as a lifelong truth-seeker, I will continue to share his message—no matter how many people call me crazy.”
At press time, RFK Jr. was reportedly attempting to contact Abraham Lincoln to confirm rumors that John Wilkes Booth was actually a time-traveling CIA agent.
