Garth Brooks Asked to Stay Away from Toby Keith’s Funeral: “Toby Wouldn’t have Wanted Him There”

Toby Keith made it clear last year that he wanted nothing to do with Garth Brooks. As we reported, Toby backed out of a show he had planned for August and then did an exclusive interview during which he laid out how disappointed he was in Brooks for going woke.

In keeping with that spirit, the Keith family has asked that Garth not show up at his funeral or any other of the services in his honor.

“That way we can keep this to one or two articles over a short span while the copycats make fools of themselves curating broken English versions of the headlines,” said family spokesman Joe Barron, “That’s what Toby would have wanted.

Toby was born an 11-pound Democrat somewhere in Oklahoma and stayed that way, except when he needed a country persona for personal gain. “I was really mean to the Dixie Chicks,” he said one time, “so I donated to their ‘vote blue no matter who’ fund.”

Keith spent his final days lamenting that he was a dick to the local crews that made his shows possible, forcing them to pay for their shirts because he was “tired of seeing them on eBay.” His will states that anyone who works his funeral will receive two shirts at no cost and a set list from his wake.

Jimmy Buffet’s nephew Larry is planning to stand outside and play “I’ll Never Smoke Weed with Willy Again” and that one other song people might recognize during the event. MSNBC is providing live coverage.

I really don’t know where else to go with this one. God Bless Toby Keith. And God Bless America.