The younger generation is often full of jokers and jerks complete with entitlement and selfishness. However, there are often a few diamonds in the rough that restore our hope for humanity. Nicholas Sandmann is one of those youngsters.
The first amendment warrior who was slandered by the media at such a young age has risen up and made it all the way to the Republican Convention for Trump! His words were awe-inspiring and his devotion to his country is second only to the greatest generation.
Well, Nicholas has moved from the convention floor to living in his convictions! The lad has turned down a prestigious Ivey League scholarship to join the U.S. Army.
When asked about the decision, his close friend Joe Barron said:
“Oh please, Nick isn’t joining the military. He wasn’t born to a poor family! HA HA HA! OMG, Nick in the military. That’s hilarious.
Oh no, he is already in college and in some high ranking position with his republican club. He’s frat boy through and through. Those soft little hands will see no manual labor and he certainly won’t be risking his life for this country. Other people can do that hard work. He can only smirk.”
Nicholas is expected to spend no more than 30 seconds thinking about boot camp before going back to his privileged college dorm life. He plans to then become an intern for some stuffy politician and hopes to follow in the footsteps of Brett Kavanaugh, his hero.
Meanwhile, Nathan Phillips, known as Sky Man, the indigenous elder Sandmann disrespected, was actually part of the U.S. Marine Corps Reserves. Isn’t that rich. Just rich. But, let’s not get too involved in reality with this one. This is satire, after all.
Nicholas’ boot camp commander Sandy Batt says the boy has a long way to go to become a true soldier — like actually enlisting in the military. However, the republican leaders are already holding him up as a war hero and are ready to award him the purple heart. He just has to finish this semester of school, first.
