In what is being hailed as a major victory for American manufacturing, Ford Motor Company has announced it will be relocating four of its factories from overseas back to the United States—bringing with it 25,000 high-paying jobs for hardworking Americans.
“This is exactly what we’ve been fighting for,” said Ford spokesperson Joe Barron, while standing in front of an oversized American flag for dramatic effect. “We’re making America the auto manufacturing powerhouse it used to be, just like in the good old days—back when cars were big, gas was cheap, and nobody asked questions about workplace safety.”
A Bold Move for American Workers
The decision comes after years of criticism over outsourcing, with Ford executives finally deciding that it “just made sense” to return production to the U.S. “There’s something special about American-made vehicles,” said Ford VP Art Tubolls, adding that nothing beats the craftsmanship and dedication of an American worker assembling a truck… just before being laid off and replaced by a machine.
“This is a proud day for American labor,” Tubolls continued. “For too long, we’ve relied on foreign production, but today, we can confidently say that these jobs are coming home.”
The Fine Print: Who’s Actually Getting These Jobs?
While Ford’s announcement was met with applause, some analysts have pointed out a tiny detail buried in the press release—a detail about who exactly will be taking these 25,000 jobs.
According to internal reports, most of the positions will be filled by robots. And not just any robots—robots built in Mexico.
“We’re committed to American manufacturing,” Barron clarified, “but we’re also committed to efficiency, automation, and maximizing shareholder value. That’s why most of the assembly line positions will be handled by state-of-the-art robotic arms—designed, built, and programmed just south of the border.”
The Future of American Jobs: Pressing the ON Button
With the new plants set to open next year, the remaining human workers will be responsible for crucial, high-skilled tasks—such as turning the machines on in the morning, dusting them off occasionally, and standing there looking patriotic for marketing materials.
While some critics have raised concerns, Ford remains optimistic about the transition. “This is still great for America,” said Tubolls. “Instead of building cars in Mexico, we’ll build them here with robots from Mexico. That’s a huge difference.”
In the meantime, Ford is urging American workers to stay hopeful, because even if they don’t get hired, they can still buy one of Ford’s new American-made trucks… at full price.
God Bless America.
