Donald Trump has been saying it for years, folks: Jerome Powell has got to go. Now, thanks to a shocking discovery by a totally legitimate investigative unit operating out of a Cracker Barrel in central Florida, we finally know why.
According to reports made public by DOGE Special Investigator Joe Barron, Powell—yes, the Jerome Powell who is in charge of the actual United States Federal Reserve—has been directly linked to the infamous “Soros Initiative.” For those unfamiliar, that’s the ultra-secret, leftist operation to replace the US economy with a feelings-based barter system fueled by almond milk and resentment.
“Powell’s signature was found on no fewer than nine expense authorizations that included travel to globalist events, like World Bank luncheons and one particularly suspicious tofu summit in Geneva,” said Barron. “There was even a check written to something called ‘The Society for Fiscal Compassion.’ We’re still working to determine if that’s a cult.”
President Trump wasted no time reacting to the news, issuing a statement from his golf cart on the 9th hole at Mar-a-Lago:
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—Jerome Powell is the worst Fed Chair in history. Worse than Alan Greenspan. Worse than the Monopoly guy. And now we know he’s also a Soros puppet, which explains why the dollar’s been acting like it’s embarrassed to be American.”
According to unnamed sources close to the Trump campaign (mostly just Art Tubolls and some guy with a YouTube channel called “Patriot Profitz”), Powell may have even suggested that “free markets shouldn’t be weaponized against our enemies,” which is exactly what someone funded by George Soros would say.
More damning than that? The newly uncovered emails showing Powell requested a vegan option at a recent G20 dinner. “You think a man who won’t eat steak with the other leaders is going to protect your 401(k)? Think again,” said Tubolls.
Of course, Powell has denied the allegations, claiming he “doesn’t know George Soros” and that “monetary policy shouldn’t be a partisan tool.” But that’s exactly what someone installed by the Deep State would say—while sipping chamomile and adjusting interest rates to punish truck drivers.
Trump has vowed that if re-elected, he’ll not only remove Powell from the Fed, but he’ll replace him with “someone who actually believes in capitalism,” strongly hinting at either Kid Rock or his former Steakhouse CFO.
In the meantime, MAGA-world is calling for Powell’s immediate resignation, an audit of the Fed, and possibly putting Jerome’s face on a stamp so people can burn it in protest.
One thing’s for
