Washington, D.C. – In a groundbreaking move that only Elon Musk could pull off, the billionaire entrepreneur has reportedly saved taxpayers a whopping $38.7 billion, an achievement the government has decided to pass directly to the people—resulting in a one-time rebate check of approximately $11 per citizen.
At a press conference held inside a Tesla factory, Musk declared, “I am, once again, doing what politicians can’t: making the government efficient. You’re welcome.”
The savings, which stemmed from a series of cost-cutting measures—including Musk convincing NASA to launch satellites using leftover SpaceX scrap metal and replacing all government computers with secondhand Neuralink chips—were hailed as a victory for the American taxpayer.
However, the excitement was short-lived when people actually did the math.
“So let me get this straight,” said Ohio resident Mark Dugan, examining his check for $11.37. “Elon saves billions, but all I get is enough for a fast-food meal with no drink?”
Government officials defended the rebate. “It’s money in your pocket,” said Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen. “Would you rather have nothing?”
Meanwhile, Congress has already proposed new taxes on rebate checks to “ensure fairness.” After deductions, the final rebate amount is expected to be $4.72 per household.
Still, Musk remains optimistic. “This is just the beginning,” he tweeted. “Next year, I plan to privatize the IRS. Imagine tax season… but on the blockchain.”
For now, Americans will have to decide whether to spend their rebate on half a Starbucks latte, a single Dogecoin, or printing out their check as a keepsake of Musk’s historic generosity.
