Elon Musk Will Name a Conservative Woman New Chief Twit

Elon Musk will step down as CEO of Twitter as soon as he finds a replacement. Initially, reports suggested it could take months or even years to fill his shows. A new development, however, indicates that Musk may find precisely what he’s looking for in a conservative woman.

The billionaire is currently considering handing the platform off to one of six women, or possibly a committee of as many of them as he can convince to form a board. So far, the names being floated include both experienced media personalities like Laura Ingraham and Candace Ownes, to former politicians like Sarah Palin.

“I’d also like to see some youth,” said Musk, “that sexy little Tomi Lahren should definitely come give us a go.” He also expressed interest in Kaitlin “the pants shitter” until he heard she was married. “I was hoping to take her for a nice Portuguese breakfast,” Musk noted sadly.

Several other women have expressed an interest, including Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, and Kaitlin Jenner. Jenner might be a problem with some on the right who don’t consider a trans woman an actual woman, so the jury is still out on that one.

“I’ll find the perfect mix of experience and hotness,” said Musk, “and Twitter will be the greatest platform on earth.”

God bless you, Elon Musk and God bless America.