Elon Musk, the billionaire polymath, part-time meme king, and full-time threat to leftist narratives, hasn’t taken a single day off in three months. According to sources close to the SpaceX, Tesla, Twitter, Neuralink, Boring Company, and Lunchables empire, the man survives on 3-4 hours of sleep, black coffee, and the tears of fact-checkers.
“He hasn’t changed clothes since February,” said DOGE spokesperson Joe Barron, “We tried to get him to take a nap once, and he called us ‘government agents’ and locked himself in a server room with a samurai sword and a bucket of Red Vines.”
According to internal polling conducted by DOGE, the Department of Objective Government Ethics, 81% of Americans now approve of the agency’s work. Not because of Joe Biden. Not because of Kamala “Where Am I?” Harris. And definitely not because of Secretary of Energy and Human Eyebrow Raised in Confusion Jennifer Granholm.
No, America approves because Elon Musk exists.
“He’s basically Iron Man without the PR department,” said Barron. “Except he actually builds stuff. Tony Stark never even filed patents.”
DOGE, whose sole mission is to track and root out the corruption of big government, has found an unlikely folk hero in Musk. While other billionaires spend their money on private islands, overpriced art, or buying their way out of accountability, Musk is out here launching rockets, fixing traffic, and roasting CNN from a $12 folding chair in a warehouse full of lasers.
And he does it all without taking a salary.
That’s right. The man works for free. Because saving civilization from a dystopian slide into avocado-toast socialism is apparently something you can do pro bono.
“He even offered to buy Greenland and turn it into a constitutional republic for people who like logic and pizza,” said DOGE Assistant Analyst Art Tubolls, “But the Danes thought he was joking. Huge mistake. They’re gonna wish they had a guy like Musk when the wind turbines start spying on them.”
The left, of course, can’t stand it. They don’t like that Musk refuses to play their game. They want CEOs in designer glasses spouting ESG nonsense and pretending to care about feelings. Elon is over here building flamethrowers for fun and dismantling legacy media with a shrug and a 14-character tweet.
But America? America sees the truth. It sees a man working his tail off, shoving accountability in the faces of the swamp, and not asking for a dime in return. That’s why DOGE’s approval rating is skyrocketing, and why Joe Biden’s administration is quietly panicking.
The more Musk wins, the more the truth leaks out.
The more DOGE digs, the more corruption they find.
And the more Americans wake up, the more they realize: maybe we don’t need 87,000 new IRS agents—we just need one overworked, sleep-deprived tech lord with a grudge against mediocrity.
God Bless Elon Musk.
God Bless DOGE.
And God Bless America.
