Elon Musk Files a Billion Dollars in Lawsuits Against “Totally Unprepared” Kathy Griffin

Kathy Griffin decided to get in a cute little spat with the richest man in the world, and now she’ll have to pay for it. With everything she owns and will ever earn.

Elon Musk filed a billion dollars in Lawsuits against Griffin for attempt to defraud his fans, lying willfully on his platform X, and impersonating a god.

He’s asking for all of her holdings, which adds up to about $20 million, and then she can “work the rest off making me laugh whenever I call,” said Musk, “I’ll drop another $10K for each snicker.”

Musk says the comedienne needs to “learn her place” in society, which doesn’t include playing “cheap insults and dumb games” with billionaires.

Griffin asked the liberal 9th Circuit to dismiss the case, but they have no jurisdiction, as Musk filed in South Africa. Nobody can quite figure out why.

While there’s no evidence to support any of this, there’s a rumor going around that many people really want this to be true. Some of them are even praying that it’s true.

So many, in fact, that it might just qualify for a group prayer moment worthy of a miracle. God hasn’t responded for requests for comment. May he bless America.