Washington, D.C. – Senator Elizabeth Warren, champion of economic fairness and sworn enemy of billionaires, is suddenly at a loss for words after reporters pressed her to explain where, exactly, she got $105 million.
The unexpected fortune, which appeared overnight in her financial disclosures, has raised eyebrows across both parties. At a press conference, Warren deflected questions, insisting, “The real issue here is wealth inequality, and we need to be asking how Elon Musk is still walking around with hundreds of billions while I’m sitting here with a totally reasonable and unexplained $105 million.”
When asked if the money came from book sales, Warren laughed. “Come on, nobody reads policy books,” she scoffed. “I mean, I tried to make my books sell, but I’m no Obama.”
Pressed further, she rattled off a series of increasingly bizarre theories, including:
- A clerical error at the Federal Reserve.
- A “spiritual donation” from the universe itself.
- “Maybe I won the lottery and just forgot?”
- An old relative who “cashed in big on Beanie Babies.”
Republicans have demanded an immediate investigation, with Senator Josh Hawley declaring, “If Warren is hiding $105 million, we have to assume it was either laundered through a secret socialist cabal or funneled in from her shadow banking empire.”
Meanwhile, progressive allies were unfazed. “Look, the real issue here is corporate greed,” said Rep. Pramila Jayapal. “If Warren happens to stumble into $105 million, well, that’s just a redistributive miracle.”
As the controversy grows, Warren remains steadfast. “Listen, folks,” she told reporters, “if I find out where the money came from, I promise you’ll be the second to know.”
