Budweiser Inc. has finally hit the big wall, as the company and corporate executives cited recent advertising problems as the reason behind their filing of Chapter Eleven papers with the federal business court yesterday afternoon.
The filing recognizes that CEO of Anheuser-Busch Morton Anheuser has studied and understands the importance of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’s eleventh chapter. In the chapter, it’s Quidditch season, and Harry has borrowed a book on the subject.
“It’s really a significant chapter because it helps to solidify the reader’s suspicion of Professor Snape throughout the series,” says Potter expert Sandra Batt. “Harry is told by Snape that library books can’t be taken outside. I mean, what a douchebag.”
The chapter also includes the description of Harry’s very first Quidditch game, during which, he sets Snape’s robe on fire, breaking his spell over him. All in all, it’s penultimate.
“The relationship between Harry and Snape is a very complex one, as is seen much later in the series,’ commented Clete Torris, the leading authority on Quidditch in New York. “And the game is a very significant metaphor.”
Budweiser, as a corporate entity, has been meditating as of late, on how to get crying little babies over their pee pants about the mean old transgender person molesting their shitty beer. It looks like Harry Potter books are the best they can throw at the problem.
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