Georgia Governor Forbids Recount

If you haven’t yet heard the news, the state of Georgia has collected the results from a special Senate election, and with their victories in the race, democrats Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff have turned the peach paradise deep blue.  This astounding win officially turns the Senate blue, tossing out former majority leader Mitch McConnell into whatever manner of broken aquarium people keep dying turtles in.

To make matters worse, Georgia governor Brian Kemp immediately ordered that no recount will be taking place, citing former President Trump’s attempts to overturn his own national election loss as a “childish temper tantrum we’re not going to have here.”  The state results were undoubtedly close, but basically, when all is said and done, America has decisively extended its middle finger to the bloated orange pumpkin dick and then figuratively kicked him in the balls in front of all his friends in gym class and even the teacher laughed.

Joe Barron of The Psychology of the Queef magazine says that Trump’s mutant one-eyed supporters are already coming up with ridiculous fairy tales to explain the loss and how nobody takes them seriously anymore as human beings.

“What basically happened is that Georgia became a magnified microcosm of how normal realistic Americans saw through the nutty dipshit conspiracies that Trump and his garbage cans full of screaming throwback chiba monkeys have been gumming their own cavities over for years.  It was time to stuff the stupid bags full of stupid and put the stupid trash out on the stupid lawn.  No more waste of time recounts, no ‘do-overs’.  If you’re a Trump supporter?  Your opinion is now equal to a toilet bowl full of shit.  How do you like them apples?”

All that remains of the GOP’s complete and total relegation to the fema camp of history is sweeping the streets of Washington D.C. clear of sobbing racist proud boys and diarrhea-covered rascal scooters.  God bless us all, yo.