Superbowl : Eagles Refuse To Play If Anyone Kneels

The Superbowl is almost upon us once again, and across the world, rabid fans are waiting to watch the Philadelphia Eagles battle the Kansas City Chiefs for dominance.  But will something happen that’s never happened in the history of the sport?

Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback Jalen Hurts called a press conference today, outlining his strategy for the underdog team.  While praised for his ingenuity and action-oriented plans, he had an extra message for the Chiefs and all the football fans in general.

“If anyone kneels down, by the way – anyone – during our sweet national anthem that people throughout time have fought and died for – we, as a team, will collect our things and simply go home.  That’s for real, hoss.”

Hurts is referring to the protesting that many in the NFL have taken to heart.  “Taking a knee” during the playing of the anthem has become almost expected before a game, in order to bring attention to the police’s unfair treatment and murder of black Americans, countrywide.

NAACP executive Joe Konders said that Hurts is a mental case, and requires institutionalization.

“First of all, nobody ‘fought and died’ for the national anthem.  It’s a song.  It was written on the back of an envelope by a drunk.  Second of all, he’s worried about kneeling?  There are so many other problems in the country to worry about.  Like police beating black people to death, for one…hoss.”

Should the Eagles refuse to play for any reason, the result would be a victory for the Chiefs in forfeit.  Something that nobody wants.  Except maybe Bob, this guy who I made a bet with yesterday.