Donald Trump has $1 Billion Campaign War Chest for 2024

Everyone knows that Donald Trump is really, really rich. And everyone knows that true patriots have donated a sh*t ton of money to his campaign for 2024. He’s not even officially running yet, but who cares?

True patriots have lined the Grifter-in-Chief’s pockets to the tune of one billion American dollars. Yes, patriots, even when you had to skip your monthly supply of lard, porn, or insulin (or all three), you’ve truly shown the man how much you love him by depriving yourselves of your medication to scrape together six bucks to donate to the biggest con artist in history.

Preys Jeebus!

And now that the fatass orange cult leader is sitting on a huge pile of donated money, what’s he doing with it? Probably paying his legal bills or putting it in Ivanka’s name for more plastic surgery. Have you seen her lately? She’s not getting any younger. Pretty soon, Trump will have to start lusting after his granddaughters instead of his daughter. Ew.

Anyway. All that money, combined with the cult’s continued blind idolatry to their mentally ill lord and savior, could make Trump the determining factor in the 2022 midterm elections. Then again…his favored candidates have lost a few races lately, so maybe the iron grip he’s had on their teeny-tiny lizard brains is weakening.

We can dream.

Sandy Batt, professor of political science at McNutterville Community College in Arkansas, said:

“It’s pretty likely Trump will be in jail before the midterms, so he’s probably going to use the vast majority of his donations for attorneys. If those attorneys are smart, they’ll demand cash up front. Everyone knows Trump never pays his bills.”

Have you donated to Trump lately? If not, go ahead and waste your money supporting the carnival barker who hates you and everyone like you. If you have, what the hell’s the matter with you?

Losers.