With every case filed alleging any kind of voter fraud or tabulation errors in the 2020 election dropped, thrown out, or otherwise dismissed, Dominion Voting Systems has gone back to business as usual, and the next order of that business is the upcoming Georgia runoff election.
Highlighted as an event of extreme political importance, the runoff between two tightly matched Democrat and Republican Senate candidates will control which party controls the Congressional chamber during the Biden administration. Dem wins would bring the makeup of the body even, with any deciding vote determined by Vice President Kamala Harris.
“For the last time, the motion by Senator Cruz to legalize eating human flesh is denied.”
Republican challenges Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue are neck and neck with their opponents John Ossoff and Raphael Warnock and Dominion’s electronic voting system will once again take responsibility for tallying an historically important vote. Joe Barron, head of the company’s Blue Wave Software coding department told reporters from Nosyqueefs America magazine about how the system will deliver the same flawless and trustworthy results as it has in the past.
“We’ve actually added several upgrades to the software just in the last month after the general election. Even though everyone everywhere agreed that our software did it’s job perfectly, we saw room for improvement. For instance now, anyone voting for one of the Republican candidates will be issued a mild electric shock. This is a process known as ‘negative reinforcement’, hailed as a great success by behavioral genius Ivan Pavlov. Also, because this IS Georgia we’re talking about, voting machine touch screens have been fortified against feces, whiskey, and methamphetamine molecule contamination. So here’s to another successful victory. None of our ‘friends’ will be ‘left’ behind, wink wink.”
Speaking of “Left Behind”, Jeb Bush has been accidentally raptured to Benny Hill’s head-patting afterlife. Cue the saxophones.
Dominion, whose staff is mostly drawn from ex-employees of voter registration group ACORN already has nearly all the newest upgrades installed and boast that their system is “ready to go at anytime, before or after election day.”
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
