The Department of Government Ethics (DOGE) dropped another bombshell this week, announcing that it uncovered a staggering $53 million in taxpayer-funded expenditures by the Biden Administration to promote jobs in Mexico. Yes, you read that correctly—jobs. In Mexico. While hardworking Americans can barely afford gas, groceries, or a six-dollar cup of coffee that used to cost two-fifty, the White House is apparently moonlighting as a staffing agency… south of the border.

“It’s shameful,” said DOGE spokesperson Joe Barron. “At a time when Americans are struggling to find decent employment, the Biden team is cutting checks to make sure José can be the assistant to the regional undersecretary of something-or-other in a foreign country.” Barron stood in front of a stack of binders labeled “This Is Why Trump Should Be President Again” and explained the findings with his usual fiery indignation.

The alleged funds, detailed in a series of vaguely-worded invoices titled “Workforce Development Programs for Bilateral Coordination,” were flagged after a DOGE intern named Art Tubolls noticed that none of the ZIP codes matched anywhere in the United States. “They were all like ‘C.P. 06500’ or something,” Tubolls told our reporter over a lunch of expired Taco Bell. “I thought it was just a glitch in the software. Turns out it was a glitch in the presidency.”

Naturally, conservative pundits went wild. “This proves it!” screamed someone on a podcast that broadcasts directly from a Chevy Suburban parked behind a Golden Corral. “Joe Biden is the President of Everywhere But America!”

But then, as is so often the case with anything involving DOGE, the story took a turn.

After some mild fact-checking—and by that, we mean a guy named Dennis who sells knockoff phone chargers outside the Capitol did a quick Google search on his cracked Android—it turns out the $53 million is indeed real, and the jobs in question do, in fact, exist. But they’re not secret cabal gigs to replace Americans with sombrero-wearing clones.

They’re embassy jobs. You know, the kind of jobs every administration funds to operate out of American embassies…in other countries. Most of the money went to hiring local staffers who do important things like translate, process visas, and occasionally tell confused Americans that no, they can’t bring 17 jars of peanut butter through customs.

Still, that didn’t stop Rep. Tootie MacFlargus of Earth 73 from calling for immediate impeachment proceedings. “We simply can’t have our president funding foreign workers while Americans are stuck with two jobs and a side hustle making crocheted MAGA beanies on Etsy,” she declared from her hover-Rascal scooter.

In the end, while no laws were broken, no jobs were stolen, and no deep state portal to Tijuana was discovered, the damage was done. Facebook aunties across the Midwest now believe that Biden personally cut checks to hire mariachi bands with Pentagon money.

God Bless America.