In a stunning act of fiscal responsibility, the Department of Government Expenditures (DOGE) has abruptly canceled a $3.8 million contract for window washing on a federal building leased from none other than former Speaker Nancy Pelosi. The decision has sent shockwaves through Washington, raising questions about wasteful government spending—and Pelosi’s suspiciously clean windows.
The contract, originally approved under vague terms involving “necessary transparency enhancements,” was set to employ a team of specialized window technicians for an 18-month cleaning cycle. However, after a routine audit, DOGE officials discovered that the government was paying for weekly window cleanings at a cost of approximately $75,000 per visit. “We just assumed there was some kind of highly classified reason the glass needed to be spotless at all times,” said one official. “Turns out, it was just a really good deal for Pelosi.”
Critics immediately pounced on the revelation. “This is a prime example of the corruption we’ve been warning about,” said Congressman Joe Barron, who called for an immediate investigation into why taxpayer dollars were funding what he described as “a high-end car wash, but for a building.” Barron also raised concerns that Pelosi had been receiving kickbacks in the form of free Windex refills.
Meanwhile, Senator Art Tubolls has taken the matter a step further, proposing legislation that would ban all future window washing on government buildings leased from Democrats. “If they want their windows cleaned, they can grab a ladder and a rag like everybody else,” Tubolls declared. “Or they can live with the smudges of their own corruption.”
Pelosi’s office has downplayed the situation, stating that she was only vaguely aware of the contract and that “a clean building benefits everyone.” However, leaked documents show a handwritten note on the contract margin reading, “Don’t let them skimp on the corners.”
As for the window washers, they have issued a formal statement expressing disappointment in the cancellation, noting that they had already invested in custom squeegees and industrial-grade soap infused with “a hint of Speaker’s Choice lavender.”
At press time, Pelosi was reportedly considering suing DOGE for breach of contract, while government employees inside the building were seen furiously scrubbing their own windows with paper towels and whatever was left in the breakroom spray bottle.
