The Democrats have lost yet another of their rising stars to their own ignorance. Rep. Stuart Boll, the freshman Senator from Maine, has decided to change his party affiliation to Republican.

Boll, whose platform was stricter gun laws and open borders, says he saw the light after spending a weekend at a Presidential retreat to welcome all new members of Congress:

“I knew the platform was wrong, but honestly, I just wanted to get to Washington where I can do some good. Being from Maine, I had never experienced the kind of welfare fraud and violence you see in big cities.

“I’ve abandoned the liberal platform so that I may live. I carry a gun. I have to. I am introducing legislation that will see to it that the inner cities are segregated from the suburbs. Not based on race but on income level. Poverty brings crime.

“Since the Democrats aren’t going to do anything about crime, I’m going to do the next best thing: Join the other side and get rich. I will be voting with President Trump for the betterment of all conservatives.”

Senator Boll has finally figured out what it means to be a conservative. We care about our personal rights and our personal wealth more, because we matter most. Without us, nobody would see the world through our eyes. Also, change is difficult and scary and nobody really wants that.

Senator Boll with be working with the GOP caucus to come up with a new plan, which will probably include tearing up the Civil Rights and Voting Rights Acts, as they’re more aimed at allowing people to do things rather than forbidding them. That’s not how American laws work.

Boll’s first official day as a Republican will be this coming Thursday. According to the 22nd Amendment, an elected official can only switch their party on the 2nd Tuesday of the month, to deter people from changing on election day.

Welcome, Senator Boll.

1 Comment

  1. Hello. I am Joe Biden. We have added 30 amendments ever since this article was made, 2 of them are confidential, and I am too lazy to tell Flagg the rest of them. Also, his pin has a very peculiar creature on it, it kind of looks like trump when he takes his annual nude selfie.

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