The second impeachment of Donald Trump is over, and once again, even though it was agreed that he’d been found guilty of crimes committed against the United States of America, this time, inciting citizens to riot against their country, there weren’t enough Republican votes to lead to a conviction. The GOP, for better or worse, once again, valued the votes of thousands of cult-brainwashed feebs over justice.
“Don’t forget! He’s still the President! I can prove it! The Martian unicorns told me everything!!!”
Now Trump and his team of what some are calling “The Absolute Worst and Dumbest Lawyers in All of Creation” are fighting back. They’ve filed a countersuit for nearly one Flatillion dollars against Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, whom the disgraced former President feels is responsible for all of his woes.
It’s yet another first for the Trump story, a countersuit against an impeachment proceeding. Joe Barron of the George Queefington Institute for Renaming the Penal System tells us why and what chance the suit might have.
“This is a groundbreaking precedent to set. It’s pretty much impossible to countersue against impeachment. By pretty much, I mean, it is. I kinda smell Guliani in this, since he’s a desperate little shitgoblin who’s entire life now depends on Trump. I can with a pretty safe vote of confidence predict that this case will be thrown out of court within the first half hour, if that. Trump will have to deal with all the other suits being brought against him, though. If I were him, I’d start shopping at Dollar General.”
They have frozen burritos for 99 cents! Of course, they’re filled with beans that have been pre-digested by Ethiopian refugees. But that’s charitable! And green!
Barron laughed heartily and added :
“I don’t know what a ‘Flatillion dollars’ is. I’d assume it’s what it costs to buy whoever his next wife is gonna be.”
The countersuit filing and processing will begin sometime next week in Washington, D.C., with opening statements to be made by Trump’s human penis-pump senator Ted Cruz, who, as an experienced Zodiac killer, is somewhat familiar with eluding justice himself.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
