Horror author Stephen King isn’t a man to be taken lightly.  He’s out thought, outmaneuvered, and out creepified every obstacle that life has thrown him, and a little thing like Elon Musk’s multi-billion dollar lawsuit isn’t going to stop him now.

In the tenth circuit court yesterday, King’s attorneys, led by Joe Barron and Trish Blake filed an extensive billion dollar writ of habeas valeris themselves on his behalf, countersuing the emperor of Twitter for three and a half billion bucks.

Musk’s lawsuit contends slander, character defamation and illegal possession of a 1958 Plymouth Fury.  King shot back with filings containing charges of severe douchebaggery, failure to properly discharge small-dick energy, and unsportsmanlike twatmanship, among others.

              * Not included in the ’59 model.

Barron told our reporters at a press conference that King is finished playing around and that this time, he’s taking a Stand.

“Elon has no idea what he’s in for.  He’s already de-valued Tesla, his own company, by hundreds of millions of dollars so that he could be the conservative Pancho Villa.  How’s it feel now, Elon?”

Musk’s retort came via carrier pigeon, a new enterprise that the former richest man in the world is starting up.

“It feels pretty shitty, Stevie.  You wanna just buy Twitter off of me, and we’ll forget this all happened?  I’ll trade you for a signed copy of ‘Pet Sematary’ and a bottle of Jack.”

As of press time, there hasn’t yet been a response.  Total Dead Zone.


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