Traitor to his country and perpetual kneeler Colin Kaepernick has some explaining to do. His charity, which supposedly raises money for oppressed families in war-torn countries, is actually a front for a Chinese fentanyl factory.
According to records obtained from a source that may or may not be 100% authentic, the factory, called “Kaep Sun Yun Ernick,” loosely translated as “That Magnificent son of a Bitch Kaepernick,” manufactures hats and headbands that get sold in third world countries to children looking for food and medicine.
Instead, they’re directed to wear the hat and give the bracelet to “the man with the squeaky shoes” who never actually shows up. Either that or they misunderstood since “squeaky” doesn’t really translate in Manganese.
Needless to say, they ended up with nothing and the company kept making fentanyl. “The story is completely unrelated,” said fentanyl factory spokesman Art Tubolls, “It’s to illustrate a point.”
The point never actually made an appearance, but what did…was Colin Kaepernick. He showed up for a spell, took three boxes of fentanyl laces Whoppers, and left with a companion who looked strangely like Megan Rapinoe, or possibly Lia Thomas.
The whole situation is odd, and so far, authorities have nothing solid to go on. We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.
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